woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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