You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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