Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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