it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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