You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I will pee on everything he values.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
