The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
