come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
