My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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