Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
