im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
