I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
