i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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