My cat gives me a boner
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize