hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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