P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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