I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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