we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As shirtless as possible
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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