On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
