we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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