Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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