Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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