but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
