remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
