How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
where am i from again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
