im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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