we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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