I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
