Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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