My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize