I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
