My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
