I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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