i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i will never coherently bang her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
