She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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