I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
