if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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