Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
