The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we should paint friendship bongs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
