i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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