you guys were way drunker than both of me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize