my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
