if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
