You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
