the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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