dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
