She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
