I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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