I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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