I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
