So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
