I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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