I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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