remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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