I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
