We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
