I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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