I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
