Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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