I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
