she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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