just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
