don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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