Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
