As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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