I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
