i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
