it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
