hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize