Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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