I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
