Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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