you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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