I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
