nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
